All Posts in Category: (08) The Maintenance of Life
Seven Ways to Stop Breaking Our Own Hearts – Part 4
This article is specifically directed to women. However, the principles are applicable to all persons. I don’t agree with everything here asserted. But, “eat the fish and throw out the bones.”
Dina Strada is an L.A. based Event Planner, Author, and Certified Life Coach specializing in relationships and empowering women. She has most recently been featured as a Contributing Author in the powerful new book, “Simply Women: Stories from 30 Magnificent Women Who Have Risen Against the Odds”.
I’ve lost count how many times my own heart has been broken. I could argue that the breaking of my heart was done to me by another person. I could easily make myself the victim of my stories of heartache and loss. But I’ve come to realize that in each situation, I had a choice. And my choices were the cause of many broken hearts.I am in no way suggesting that we won’t sometimes have our heart broken by another person when we do everything right, even when we make the best choices for ourselves. Because that’s part of life. Our hearts are fragile and vulnerable to the actions of others.
7. Accept what is. Every 12 step program has a prayer they recite at meetings that has always carried me through life:
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed,
It is because I find some person, place, thing, situation—
Some fact of my life—unacceptable to me,
And I can find no serenity until I accept
That person, place, thing, or situation
As being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Anytime we find ourselves struggling emotionally or in turmoil about a situation, it’s because we aren’t in acceptance with what exists in the moment. And being in that place creates so much heartache for us.
I’ve found in my own life that I don’t have to like what’s happening. I just have to accept what’s happening. It’s the only way through and any other way breaks my heart and causes a whole lot of pain.
So on this last one I’m going to share a personal experience because I know that there are a lot of people reading this who may be going through the same thing.
Like many people, I’m a single parent. Holidays are still incredibly hard for me. My parents are still married and make a big deal about the holidays. I’ve never had to go between two homes or split the holidays with them. Now, I spend a lot of holidays without my children. Do I cry about this still? Yes I do. Do I accept the situation for what it us?
Absolutely.
I can allow my heart to be broken every holiday and tell myself how unfair this is. I can tell myself how this wasn’t my choice, that this is not what I signed on for when I got married and had children and nurse my broken heart every time. Or I can just accept it. And the truth is, the acceptance is what gets me through. It’s the only path to not feeling broken anymore.
Don’t break your own heart. We have more control over this than we think. It just requires a little bit of practice.
Author: Dina Strada
Image: Lauren Treece/Flickr
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Seven Ways to Stop Breaking Our Own Hearts – Part 3
This article is specifically directed to women. However, the principles are applicable to all persons. I don’t agree with everything here asserted. But, “eat the fish and throw out the bones.”
Dina Strada is an L.A. based Event Planner, Author, and Certified Life Coach specializing in relationships and empowering women. She has most recently been featured as a Contributing Author in the powerful new book, “Simply Women: Stories from 30 Magnificent Women Who Have Risen Against the Odds”.
I’ve lost count how many times my own heart has been broken. I could argue that the breaking of my heart was done to me by another person. I could easily make myself the victim of my stories of heartache and loss. But I’ve come to realize that in each situation, I had a choice. And my choices were the cause of many broken hearts.I am in no way suggesting that we won’t sometimes have our heart broken by another person when we do everything right, even when we make the best choices for ourselves. Because that’s part of life. Our hearts are fragile and vulnerable to the actions of others.
5. Always honor your real feelings. Some of us try so hard to fight our real feelings—whether they’re toward a person, a relationship, a situation or a decision somebody else is pressing us to make—we go one way when our heart and intuition are screaming something entirely different.
We live in a society that dictates a lot of “shoulds.” I should be strong. I should be attracted to this kind of person. I should do the responsible thing and not pursue this passion that is calling to my heart every single day. Not honoring our most authentic self and desires will always break our hearts. Every single time.
6. Love yourself. That’s right. Love and accept every single thing about yourself. The good, the bad and the ugly. The perceived flaws and weaknesses. The things about yourself you think (or others think) need fixing. This is what makes you, you.
Trying to be someone you’re not. Trying to mold yourself into something you think you need to be, or hating yourself for the way you are—whether it’s sensitive, impatient, gullible, moody, too short, too fat, too loud, whatever it is. This will break your heart every time.
We are all unique, special and incredible to the people in our lives who truly love and care about us. So surround yourself with those people and love on yourself more than anyone. Because you can’t expect other people to love you if you aren’t doing the same.
Author: Dina Strada
Image: Lauren Treece/Flickr
Editor: Catherine Monkman
The Maintenance of Life – Intimacy With Jesus
A branch must stay connected to the vine to bear fruit. It is the same with you. John 15:4
Food, water and sleep! These are the basics for maintaining physical life. What’s required to maintain connection to Jesus? Step Eleven of Alcoholics Anonymous provides a clue: “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God …” (The Twelve Steps)
Remember the Mentor of Life? His purpose, using the Life Guidance System, is “to improve our conscious contact with God via prayer and meditation.”
Listening to the radio requires TUNING. The receiver is tuned to the specific frequency of the desired source. If one likes The Grand Ole Opry, one would tune to WSM 650 AM. To maintain connection to Jesus requires tuning of the heart and mind. This is accomplished primarily through prayer and meditation.
In the Bible “meditate” is a rather humorous picture word. Literally it means: a cow chewing its cud. So, meditation is the act of chewing a portion of the Bible over and over until it becomes a part of us. “Let the word of Jesus dwell in you, enriching your life and making you wise.” (Colossians 3:16)
Prayer is conversation. The radio above works via wireless transmission. Guglielmo Marconi, inventor of wireless transmission, said: “In prayer the human spirit can send invisible waves to eternity.”
Jesus taught us how to begin: “Our Father …” (Matthew 6:9)
Praying is both speaking and listening to our Father. He knows us better than we know ourselves. “You shaped me inside and out.” (Psalms 139:13-14) So, no subject is “off limits”! If it concerns you, it concerns Him! Furthermore, prayer can take place anytime and anywhere. And yes, questions are encouraged!
Combining prayer with meditation is the preferred method. For example, the Manual talks about the use of money. So, it’s best to chew on its financial instruction while having a conversation with Father about your own finances.
Remember, “A branch must stay connected to the vine to bear fruit.”
EASTER IMPACT – Part 7c
You have put off the old self with its habits and have put on the new self.
This is the new being which God, the Creator, is constantly renewing in his own image,
in order to bring you to a full expression of himself.
Colossians 3:9-11
EASTER means RE-NEW-AL
So how do you know if you are discovering one’s true self in Christ?
The litmus test is always deep love. (It may be helpful to reflect on (1 Corinthians 13)
- Am I becoming more generous relationally and otherwise?
- Are my motives becoming less inspired by selfishness?
- Am I becoming less concerned with how others see me?
- Ask yourself Is my life progression towards the things that are bigger (transcendent) than I am?
- Are they leading me closer to God, to others in a genuine way?
- Am I discovering deeper life peace and meaning?
Consider the beliefs that keep you hiding from God and others. Consider what things keep you running away from God. Is it:
- Fear that God will reject you?
- Fear that God will punish you?
- Fear that God may be angry at you?
- Fear that God can’t be trusted?
Ask God about these things. Remember that Jesus, the fullness of God in human flesh, demonstrated just the opposite. Jesus came to heal our relationship with the Father. When Jesus judges, it is with mercy, forgiveness and healing. For many, the prospect of discovering and beginning to live more authentically is genuinely scary. The fear of being rejected, being seen as a loser because we no longer have an interest in playing the game can be paralyzing. For many of us this fear keeps us hiding and pretending to be something we are not. The consequences of continuing to live a lie, to craft and fortify our false self will leave us frustrated, anxious and consume our life with a profound sense of futility.
Many of us already sense that things within us are amuck. It’s time to exchange the ill-fitting coat of false self for the freedom of authenticity and with it a greater sense of peace, meaning, relationships and love. Regardless of where you are on your journey, consider being a little more open to being found by God and step stumble and fall into His perfect love for you.
Hiding your hurt only intensifies it.
You are only as sick as your secrets.
So take off your mask,
stop pretending you’re perfect
walk into freedom.
Rick Warren
EASTER IMPACT – Part 7b
You have put off the old self with its habits and have put on the new self.
This is the new being which God, the Creator, is constantly renewing in his own image,
in order to bring you to a full expression of himself.
Colossians 3:9-11
EASTER means RE-NEW-AL
So, if there is a true self, there must be a false self. In a few words, the false self is our idea of who we are and this image is formed by our families, friends, and culture. It is forged around cultural ideas of success, sex appeal, wealth, our occupation, the things we own, the things we wear and the amount of influence we wield. These kinds of external things form the false self and they are external identities that we put on like a coat – whether it fits well or not. Often when living out of our false identity we feel awkward, we are chronically stressed and lonely. Sometimes it seems like we are always striving to look good, to pretend that we are indeed worthy of the coat and not some imposter. It produces a tyrannical slavery and detachment from real life all the while screaming its false promises of the good life.
Discovering one’s true self in God is the shedding of the ill-fitting garments. It is moving away from these identities that don’t bring real life. As we learn to experience and accept the love of God we find our place in the world. We begin to realize that our belonging is not based on our ability to live up to the expectations of an often-fickle culture or even our well-meaning families. As we move closer to God, as divine love draws us we learn that we can shed our selfishness, our self-centeredness, fear of being rejected and realize we no longer have to pretend. We can begin to cast off the baggage that has obscured who we truly are and as this begins to fall away it reveals more and more of the good creation we were created to be. The life we seek, the life that really satisfies, is found in God in us, not outside of us. Jesus taught that the issues of life flow from inside us (our heart) not what eat or drink.
