This article is specifically directed to women. However, the principles are applicable to all persons. I don’t agree with everything here asserted. But, “eat the fish and throw out the bones.”
Dina Strada is an L.A. based Event Planner, Author, and Certified Life Coach specializing in relationships and empowering women. She has most recently been featured as a Contributing Author in the powerful new book, “Simply Women: Stories from 30 Magnificent Women Who Have Risen Against the Odds”.
I’ve lost count how many times my own heart has been broken. I could argue that the breaking of my heart was done to me by another person. I could easily make myself the victim of my stories of heartache and loss. But I’ve come to realize that in each situation, I had a choice. And my choices were the cause of many broken hearts.I am in no way suggesting that we won’t sometimes have our heart broken by another person when we do everything right, even when we make the best choices for ourselves. Because that’s part of life. Our hearts are fragile and vulnerable to the actions of others.
But there are things we all do that lead to heartbreak and I think awareness of some of these things can possibly spare all of us from breaking our own damn hearts in the future.
1. Don’t have expectations. I know this is like saying go into a five-star restaurant and don’t expect the food to be good. Of course, we expect the food to be good…it’s a five-star restaurant!
But our expectations of the exact experience we must have with someone or something are what lead to the disappointment and heartbreak, not the actual experience itself.
This is so hard not to do but I promise that if you have expectations of a person, situation or relationship, you’re going to break your own heart. Go into everything with no attachment to the outcome. Allow things to unfold into what they are meant to be. We may be disappointed by the experience or let down that it’s not what we had hoped for, but our chances of actually being heartbroken are a whole lot less.
2. Don’t expect someone to show up differently than who they are. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been disappointed or devastated by the way someone treated me, even after I watched them treat everyone before me the exact same way.
If a man was emotionally unavailable to every woman before me, I would still allow myself to believe I was special enough to make him open up and be emotionally available to me. If he had a pattern of running when relationships got too serious, I believed he just hadn’t met the right person yet and maybe that person was me.
Want to break your own heart? Keep doing this. People show you who they are right up front. As Maya Angelou says, “Believe them the first time.”
Author: Dina Strada
Image: Lauren Treece/Flickr
Editor: Catherine Monkman